shodo and sexism

Today was not as productive as I would have liked it to be. I really enjoyed classes today though, because I was really prepared and engaged. Yet, I did get two papers back that had comments about sexist language. The funny thing is that I’m female and was using male pronouns and it’s still considered sexist. I get really frustrated by the need to use non-sexist language sometimes because it means inserting a he/she everywhere you have a pronoun, and then you have to change all of your other gender references to be inclusive. This means that a sentence can become ridiculously long. The other solution is to use obscure language that evades using gender references at all, saying things like “one may choose to lift ones particle over ones head.” I think that language, though it is very proper and correct, only sounds appropriate in the right contexts. Other than that, it sounds silly and pompous. I have wondered many times before if I, being a interested in women’s issues, sometimes go against the general grain of the current movement. I think that although it is wrong to be sexist, it is also wrong to allow an attempt to be non-sexist to obscure the meaning of an otherwise good passage within a text. Somehow, allowing a movement against sexism to cause a lack of understanding, whether it is in a related or unrelated text seems silly. I really like the way that Stephen Mitchell translates the Tao te Ching, rotating using male and female pronouns in each verse because, as he says, a Master can be male or female. Yet because he does not try to insert male and female into every passage, the text is still easily readable without being sexist. The only problem with this is that if you were to try to do it in a research paper, it would certainly interrupt the flow of the paper because we don’t think of he and she as interchangeable. Perhaps we should, but at the same time, I think that would be denying that there is an actual difference…and that’s a completely different story.

I’ve strayed a great deal from the events of the day. For this very reason, I’ve established another weblog where I will keep all of my “more profound” or at least longer and more academic ponderings, while keeping this weblog mostly as a journal where I will record the daily going-ons of my life. This way, I will be able to separate my own thoughts to see my growth in both an intellectual and personal sphere. Hopefully I will get to this soon, but today was too full to find time for it.

After school, we all went to the okonomiyako dojo for one of my friend’s birthdays. He was turning twenty. We had a good time eating and being loud and drinking and being ridiculous. Everyone was planning on going on a night hike, but after dinner, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to go hiking. I was definitely in a studying mood, so I came back home and studied for a good while, and then practiced my shodo. There’s actually a very funny story associated with it, which I will include in the next paragraph, but if you don’t like laughing, you should just skip it, because it might be a bit long.

So, shodo (Japanese calligraphy) is created using ink and a brush. I had the paper, I had my grinding stone ready, I had my brush. I unwrapped my ink and began to attempt to grind it. Yet I noticed that nothing was happening. Looking more closely at my ink, I realized that it was plastic! I just figured it was the case for the real ink, so I try to pry it open. I spend about an hour working on getting it open (I was REALLY dedicated to the idea of doing shodo). I finally manage to pry it open and inside I see a rusted metal bar hot glued to the inside of my plastic container. It wasn’t ink afterall. It was ACTUALLY the paperweight that is used to hold down the paper while you’re doing sumi-e or shodo. I felt quite dumb. Luckily, I had a shodo pen (a pen that has a paint-brush-like tip) so I still got to make some gifts to send home for people, although the larger characters for my family will have to wait until I get some ink. Even though it was a pretty ridiculous experience, I certainly got a good laugh out of it. And I still do.

I am going to bed after making some presents for people back home and addressing their envelopes as much as possible. I realized that I don’t really know ANYONE’s CSU box. Plus, I don’t even know how to go about looking them up. So I’ll just have to send messages pestering people to give me their mailing address.

Music equivalent of the day: Shodo
Food: pizza style okonomiyaki
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: sexist language as it relates to being a feminist
Top priority: getting addresses and sumi

shrines, soba, and studying

Today my host family and I went to a beautiful group of shrines on the outskirts of Kyoto. I really enjoyed going with a Japanese family, but I would have liked to have slowed down and really absorbed more of my surroundings. I guess though, when you go anywhere with kids, you have to be prepared to see things at their pace. It was good, though, to have someone with me who could explain Japanese religious traditions. My host mom, Yukiko drew a strange connection that I had never thought of before. When a Japanese person visits a temple, they often pray by flipping a coin into a box, ringing a bell, clapping twice, and then bowing. She explained that this coin was like offering a gift to the gods, the same way that Christians collect money during church services. I had never really looked at it in that way, and it makes me wonder exactly how different the religions are. I’ve been doing research into it, but I am not ready to make a statement yet. Blanket statements can really undermine discussion on a certain topic.

After touring the temple we went out to eat at a soba restaurant. I am still not big on noodles, but I did my best to eat what was in front of me and found that I was very quickly full. Go figure. Noodles are gross, but they fill you up quickly.

After lunch, my homestay family rode with me all the way back to Kyoto where they put me on a bus and waved for about 10 minutes before the bus pulled away. They were very nice. I have their address and I hope to write them soon. Even better if I can do some of it in Japanese, although I think Yukiko would prefer it to be in English so that she can learn more. I will have to use a little of both.

Tonight was, as it usually is, filled with a lot of work. A lot of us got together to discuss our homestays, but more than anything we had several papers due and only one night in which to do them. The homestay really cut into the amount of studying time I had, but it was worth it. Now I am slowly falling asleep as I try to get everything done for classes tomorrow.

At the same time, I have so much going on, I almost feel like bursting. It is not all school work, but emotions and excitement about figuring out really important things. I feel like I gain insight every day into my personal, spiritual, and academic life. Just taking the time to sit down by yourself away from the hustle and bustle of everyone else does that. Plus, I’ve been trying to avoid the stress of not having things done by doing them. I learned this lesson last semester when I was struggling to churn out a response paper every week for Theories of Visual Culture. The more I would worry and struggle, the less I would get done and the worse grade I would get. When I finally started just letting my fingers move over the keys as I thought about the movie I was responding to, I started getting higher and higher grades until I finally managed to turn in a final paper that I was quite proud of, by doing instead of thinking. Thinking is important. It is a great way to lead up to writing a paper, but if one spends so much time thinking that it turns into stressing, that’s when the thinking has gone too far. Stress never yields a positive paper because you second guess everything you are saying so often that you are afraid to make claims of any type so you end up with a paper that says nothing of your own personal opinion and feeling. Learning to overcome stress is probably the biggest reason that last semester ended up being successful. I’m glad that I can keep working on it here in Kyoto.


Music equivalent of the day: Hiyoshi-Taisha (the shrine)
Food: soba (japanese noodles)
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Eastern and Western religions
What I learned: The ritual that people go through when they worship at a shrine.
Top priority: Work

home Shiga home

My host family for my homestay is wonderful. I was worried because the sheet said I was getting just a man and two kids, but instead it is a woman and her two children. Her husband is on a business trip in Hiroshima. When they met me at the train station, I was very excited. The woman, Yukiko, speaks wonderful English—she rarely has any problem understanding me at all.

I couldn’t find wrapping paper this morning so I wrapped my present in the kanji for beauty that I had painted in shodo (calligraphy) class. It was a poor excuse for wrapping paper, but luckily it ended up being okay. The daughter’s name is Mika and the “mi” is drawn using the kanji for beauty. I am glad it worked out well. The family name is Harima. The mother is very interested in tea ceremony and is very dedicated to living at home with her children. The children are Mika, 9, who has dimples in her cheeks whenever she smiles and a curiosity for life that is reflected in her shining eyes. She tends to trail behind when we walk together. The boy’s name is Keta. He always has his nose in a book, even when walking down the street; he tends to walk ahead, wandering on his own. He is twelve. The two children have a hobby of reading. All afternoon we have been reading together. Mika has probably read from four or five books. Keta has been reading the same one for most of the afternoon.

When I first met my family, we walked to their home, a beautiful house that Yukiko says is 20 years old, but that her family has lived in for 2 years. As we were walking home from the station, we stopped to buy vegetables and supplies for my visit. When we got home, she had already prepared a pork stew from scratch, which was amazing, and we ate some salmon sashimi and rice. After the meal, which may have been the best I’ve had since coming to Japan, she made me Chai tea because I said it was my favorite and then I played card games with the children. Although we speak different languages, a lot of the games we played were games I had played back at home, though I learned a couple new ones.

When we were done, all four of us walked to the nearby library—the largest in the Shiga prefecture. On the walk, I realized that although the houses here are still close together, it is much more in the country than Kyoto. There were fields and ponds, areas of landscape, and sprawling gardens. There was no hurry in getting anywhere here in Shiga. The paths are slightly winding, and the highway is the only reminder of how close we still are to Kyoto—only 8 minutes by train. The streets are lined with flowers famous for blooming in the winter, a very pretty dark pink. As we walked, one side opened up to a place with twisting gravel walkways, metal sculptures, and a small building. I wondered to myself if this was someone’s home.

We got to the area where the library is, and I found out that it was a part of a complex—a very beautiful place that mixes a pond filled with koi, surrounded by mossy gardens, with a library and museum. The pond was very beautiful and that was a waterfall that reminded me of how beautiful it is to sit up at the gorge at Shiloh. I would have sat outside forever, but it was snowing and cold. We headed towards the library, but on our way, we stopped at a teahouse that does traditional Japanese tea ceremony. We started out eating sweets, and then got the bitter green tea. I am glad that I’ve had my first tea ceremony. It was very enjoyable and I hope that I will learn more about it in my time here in Japan.

After drinking the tea, we went up to the library where the children quickly ran to the children’s section. I followed. I “read” several books that had very few words and lots of pictures. I then when to study. While studying, the green tea kick hit me and I felt 100% better than I had been feeling. We got a ride home from my homestay mother’s friend.

Since we have been home, I have been writing in my journal and talking to my homestay mother about learning new languages. We talked about the differences in English and Japanese and wrote notes to each other about what we were discussing. IT was very interesting. She has now started preparing dinner and we have made some plans for tomorrow, but I think we are all a little tired. I am going to read about Japanese literature, but I am sure I will have more to write soon.

Music equivalent of the day: Playing cards with Japanese children
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: the garden at Shiga, which I want to visit again.
What I learned: All about living with a Japanese family.
Priority: do as much work as possible and sleep well.

under the weather

I woke up this morning feeling horrible. I had the world’s worst headache. Even after going back to sleep, my alarm did not wake me up at 11:00, which is when I had reset it for. I have always believed that if an alarm can’t wake you up, maybe it’s better just to sleep and feel better. I didn’t sleep much longer before one of the girls came in and said that we were having a student meeting where they were distributing the money we would need for traveling fees for our homestay. I was still feeling pretty poorly, but I ended up going to the meeting. We got a lot discussed. It was a very open forum. I do find, however, that the meetings are not always run the way Bryan has explained Quaker meetings to me. Although they are supposed to be Quaker meetings, many of the students have never actually experienced a real community meeting, but we are working on changing that. We agreed at the meeting that we will hold student meetings every other week and community meetings in the weeks that we do not hold student meetings. This allows the students to discuss issues and then bring them in front of the whole community, including faculty. I am excited. I am definitely pushing for an increase in the “community” aspect of the learning community here. In fact, I even volunteered to be “secretary”ish. I will be sending out a newsletter several times a week and taking notes at student meetings in order to send out the notes in newsletter. It is kind of cool to feel like I now have an active role in the community here. I am proud of myself for taking on that responsibility, since at first I was hoping to take this as a more relaxing semester. I am already getting slightly over my head in work, though it isn’t bad. Mostly, I have set myself up to get a little behind, because I am trying to dedicate myself to work as much as possible early on, on order to make sure that I have plenty of time to go on the meditation retreat towards the end of the semester and get my portfolio (FW equivalent of exams) done.

After the community meeting, we had an area study in the problem of Plutonium in Japan. We met with Aileen Smith who is an activist who runs Green Action here in Japan in order to combat the increased use of nuclear power here in Japan. It was a very entertaining and open discussion. I had always been interested in the problems associated with nuclear energy (Thanks Mr. Povlish!), but I had never really sat down and discussed them with someone who had made it their entire life. I was in rapture the entire time, asking questions and getting answers. I still felt a little out of sorts, but I took good notes in an attempt to remember everything we discussed.

After our area study, I e-mailed out the very first EAC newsletter, though I made two mistakes and had to send out three newsletters. I felt very bad about it. Perhaps I am not going to make a good secretary after all. My heart is in the right place, though sometimes my brain is not. Hopefully everyone will forgive me for my mistakes and realize that we all have our off days.

Speaking of off days, I decided tonight not to take my computer with me to my homestay. Even though it will mean being disconnected, I could use a little more of that every once in a while. I think I have found a decent balance…but I tend to waste time at the center trying to e-mail people rather than do research. We are supposed to be getting wireless at one of the dorms sometime soon, so then I can do research at school and e-mail during the night when people are up and going….well, actually, mostly the early morning for me is good for my friends, but night would be good to talk to my mom, because she is always up early.

Tonight I went out to dinner with two of my friends here and we watched Death to Smoochy. A very good movie. Plus, we watched it on my computer since I switched my DVD player over to region two. You only get 5 switches, but I figured I’ll be here for about four months, so converting it made a lot more sense.

Well, it’s late and I have to be up early tomorrow to go to my homestay, so I am going to go do a little reading and go to bed.

Music of the Day: Radiohead- Motion Picture Soundtrack
Food of the Day: Multiple fried foods at the Kuji restaurant
Meditation/ Inspiration/ Thought of the Day: the problem of nuclear energy
What I learned: The difficulty of putting together a newsletter that conveys information but doesn't sound bossy.
Priority: getting well.

beginning of the beginning

Today I started my independent studies, officially. Meaning, I went and got books from the library. My two topics are Eastern Philosophy and Religion and Japanese Literature in Translation. So far (meaning tonight) I’ve read about 125 pages on Eastern Religions, specifically a chapter on religion in China, which included Confucianism, Taoism, and Buddhism, and a chapter on the history and development of Buddhism. I wanted to get a lot more than that done, so I’m kind of disappointed. I feel like I haven’t been using my time as wisely as I could have been.

I would say that this weekend could be dedicated to work, yet we’re headed to Shiga (which is more of a country area) for a home-stay, meaning a lot less “me” time than I would like. But hopefully a good experience.

I have sketched out a tentative list of what I feel like I should be doing for my philosophy and religion class, but I’m still planning on e-mailing the professor of the course back at W&M and seeing what that syllabus actually looks like.

Speaking of classes. I am pretty sure that they determine credits here based on pages produced. Ten pages for each credit. That means in an 18 credit semester, you’re writing 180 pages. It makes an honors thesis seem a lot less scary, you know?

I received a lot of really positive feedback from people today, and that’s always good. I am still a little homesick at times, so hearing from home is a really good thing. As much as I want to learn to be independent, it doesn’t mean giving up the people you care about.

I have to either study a little more or hit the sack because we have Shodo (calligraphy) in the morning, and I want to shower.

Music of the day: Belle and Sebastian- Sleep the Clock Around
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: dedication and time management
What I learned: Around the dime of 147 AD, there was a branch of Taoism called “Five Bushel Rice Taoism” because all of the believers were taxed 5 bushels of rice (Kitagawa). Also, Kant and Buddha have a lot of the same ideas going on in their moral belief plans…believe it or not.
Priority: shower and studying and drinking orange juice because everyone else is sick!

leaps and bounds

I slept in this morning for a long time, and then made fried eggs. I still think I like scrambled better. Hard boiled eggs are my favorite, but I figured I’d experiment with the rest of the ways to see what happens.

I went down to the center for a little bit, even though I didn’t have class, but I didn’t stay long. I wanted to mail a letter and register as an alien. I got the letter mailed at the yubinkyoku (post-office is one of my favorite Japanese words) and headed towards the ward office. I got lost for a little bit, but it was a pleasant lost, so I didn’t hurry, but I got to the ward office thirty minutes late, which was a bummer.

On the way back, I stopped at the QQ store (99 yen) and did a little shopping. I have really gotten into this shopping thing. It’s a shame I don’t have a bigger fridge. But I got everything I need to make salad tomorrow. I also saw the only gaijin (foreigner in Japanese) that even halfway interested me since I got here. I’m reading a book that one of my Japanese friends here lent me called The Celestine Vision, which had a section on chance run-ins that pay off. If I ever see this guy again, I’m going to talk to him for the sole sake of seeing if the book is right.

Speaking of run ins, I had almost 4 accidents today on my bike. People were definitely driving crazy (and walking crazy). My butt is starting to hurt less and less from riding my bike though, which is good.

Tonight, I took another huge leap towards self-sustenance. I cooked salmon, green beans, and a potato for dinner. I did all of it myself and seasoned everything and it was all delicious. I will admit, Mom makes better green beans, and Bryan makes better sweet potatoes (although, so do I, in the U.S.), but the salmon was some of the best I have ever had. It was garlic, lemon, pepper salmon. Did I mention that it was delicious? I think it tasted even better because I did it myself.

I’ve also tried to invest a lot into this whole being alone thing. It’s paying off so far. I feel really relaxed and like I am getting the things done that need to be gotten done. Plus, it puts pressure on me to be organized, and I need that a lot. I’ve realized that I’m not actually a disorganized as I thought I was. I even make to do lists that I actually complete.

As for complete, so is my day.

P.S. Thanks everyone for the birthday cards.

Music of the day: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds- Black Crowes, Grateful Dead- Dark Star
Food: salmon, green beans, and a sweet potato
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: this wall of graffiti
What I learned: how to cook salmon and green beans, and how to better manage my Manila weblog, which is a work in progress.
Priority: getting registered as an alien

More medication meditation

Without having class tomorrow, today turned out to be pretty productive. I went shopping for some stuff, and got all of my laundry done. On top of that, I learned how to make scrambled eggs. Or rather, I made them. I guess I already knew how. I think a lot of things that I tell myself I can’t do because I don’t know how are things that I do know how to do, but have just never tried.

The only thing with the laundry is that the dryer is expensive and not very good, so I only used it to dry my sheets, which I actually need dry so I can sleep. Everything else is hanging up in various locations, searching for some sun to bask in. On the positive side, having everything hanging up in my room wet has certainly brought the humidity up a little, so I don’t feel quite so parched.

I watched Sex in the City with some of the girls for a long time tonight. I had never seen the earlier episodes, and I really do think they’re better. We watched the one where Charlotte gets married, which was beautiful, but also, the whole Aden and Carrie breaking up thing going on at the same time. There were all of these emotions colliding and intersecting in a beautiful weave. I had never really liked Sex in the City, though I was offered a job as an extra once. Turns out that some of it is filmed on the same street where my uncle lives in Greenwich Village, so when I was there visiting, they were filming. If I hadn’t been on my way to see the sights of New York for the first time ever, I might have done it, but at the time, I thought Sarah Jessica Parker was unattractive and I didn’t get the whole point of the show. I just guess it goes to show, we all grow up.

After Sex in the City, we watched a little bit of The Hours, which I must saw was very disturbing. I didn’t get to finish it, but even the lead-in to the movie is depressing, especially for me. I remember the first time I ever read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s notebooks, entitled The Crack Up. I was petrified. There, in print, was the way my brain functioned. The unrelated fragments, beautiful but unattached to reality. Fascination with the tiniest of things. The slight edge of insanity. I was relieved and frightened at the same time. I was glad not to be alone, but with what happened to Fitzgerald in his life, I wasn’t sure I wanted to follow in his footsteps. Same with Woolf. Reading her work, watching “her” writing away on Mrs. Dalloway, I feel a strange affinity. Like I would have understood her, related. And at the same time, I realize that she and Plath, etc., etc. etc. on down the line all went crazy and ended up with their heads in ovens or their bodies at the bottom of rivers. I don’t want to end up like that, but I do want to use my gift, if that’s what it is.

The way I look at it is, Woolf and Fitzgerald changed the face of literary history. I’m not sure what that means in the long run, as far as worldwide change (I imagine little…) but I do know that it means a lot to adamant English majors. Yes, they were crazy, but it seems hard to find genius without it. I just don’t know if the risk is worth it. I feel very driven to contribute to the literary world…but on my medicine, it just doesn’t interest me the same way. Without it? A slight bit more of a tendency to have my moods get out of hand. In the past, these mood swings have isolated me from people I care a lot about and made it really difficult for me to get my work done, though admittedly, my writing is better. I guess the ideal would be for me to learn coping skills, so that I could not be on medicine and still be able to handle mood swings so that I wouldn’t lose friends, but I know that I can’t get my heart set on it. Either option seems somewhat of a compromise right now. I guess I have to see how things play out.

Music equivalent of the day: Sex in the City
Food: scrambled egg with cheese and bacon sandwich
Major purchase: Calendar!
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: mental health and writing
What I learned: For a long time, Native Americans could not vote because their land was separate and non-taxable, but now they have the right to vote and are voting in record numbers.
Priority: Mailing a letter and registering as an alien.

Full

I have cooked twice today and eaten three full meals without leaving my room. That’s an accomplishment. I made bacon and a bagel this morning, ate leftover sushi for lunch, and cooked dumplings tonight. The dumplings were definitely the most challenging, because I couldn’t read the instructions, so at first I added too much water to the bottom of the pan and then I didn’t have the temperature hot enough to brown the bottoms. I finally got them done and allowed them to simmer in some soy sauce for a while. They were delicious and filling and I really enjoyed them a lot. Plus, I made a baked sweet potato to go with them, and had a tangerine as a side dish/ dessert. It was probably the most complex meal I think I have ever cooked myself, but it was really good, and I was really that I managed to feed myself without help from anyone else. I got all of my work done today, including my learning plan, which I will post after a series of revisions so that you guys can see what it is that I’m trying to accomplish this semester.

I also wrote my thesis statement for Behind the Mask. I am doing a study of women’s issues here in Japan in order to determine whether or not women should be counted as a minority group. I think it will be really exciting. If you have any sources that you think would contribute to my study, please reply and let me know where I can find them.

I also slept for several hours today. I am worried that I am maybe getting sick, since I also slept through a large part of my birthday. Either that, or I am being so productive that a nap is in order every once in a while. I still have a lot that I want to get the ball rolling on, but I feel like I’m on my way. I have noticed that now that I have food to eat, I’ve been eating pretty constantly. I don’t think it’s ever because I am really hungry, but I do always long for food. I haven’t figured out how to stop it, and I’m worried that it might become a problem since I am not as active here as I would be at home. I am looking at taking Tai Chi once a week, which would help, but it is not the aerobic workout that dance can be, or going to the gym with Bryan.

I started meditating today using Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, which my therapist at W&M thought would be a good tool for me to use while here in Japan. I am hoping she’s right. I thought a lot this weekend about going off of my medicine while I am here in Japan. I am not sure that it’s worth the risk, but I also know that the environment I am in is very productive for learning how to cope with oneself. It’s very positive and supportive, and I know that I would have help no matter what decision I make. A lot of learning to take care of myself is going to be practicing my awareness techniques, something that I am trying to do both through my reading and through Tai Chi. Learning to be aware of the reactions taking place within yourself allows you to more fully control what is going on inside yourself, so that you can determine what type of reaction you want to have to whatever stressors you are trying to face.

I am trying to stay on top of everything here. This is my first week in which I actually have a day of not having class. I am looking forward to being able to use Monday night and Tuesday to get a lot of things done for myself that I have not had the time to do so far.

Music of the day: Jimi Hendrix- Fire, Rainer Maria- Ceremony, Rufus Wainwright- In My Arms
Food: sushi, dumplings, and sweet potato
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: mental health
What I learned: how to cook dumplings. Also, the Ainu (a Japanese minority group) are the only people the Japanese have ever fought on their own soil, and when the Ainu traded with the individuals from “mainland” Japan, they were being given sake (rice wine) that was half poisonous.
Priority: buying fabric softener so that I can do my laundry (still).

Birthday-ness

I have had great birthdays, but in so many ways, this one is pretty up there. This morning I got to talk to Bryan for over two hours on the phone. It’s great to know that we still have that much to say to each other, but I feel like I just brushed the surface. Sometimes we are so excited to talk to someone that we forget to mention the important stuff. I think that next time I set up an appointment to talk to him, I’ll tell him about my research paper in women’s studies and about Japanese and about all the things I have cooked for myself. Gosh, but even those things are a handful of thousands of things I want to share with him. Not so much because I need him to know or anything, but because I know that he loves seeing me grow and I also because I want to show him that the “learn something every day” policy is still in effect. I think that today I will start placing a “New thing learned” section on my posts so that anyone reading can maybe learn something new too. For me, these things learned aren’t always huge, nor do they always have a social impact, but something simple, like how to cook something or “what happens if…” Consciously trying to learn something new every day keeps me constantly searching for that thing to learn. It builds my curiosity and makes me more attentive to what is going on around me.

After my phone call, I headed out shopping for groceries and for supplies. I had a mission for the day, and I decided that rather than waiting for someone to decide to come along, that I would just give it a try. I got a little lost, but mostly the trip was a success. One thing I did notice is that people were much more likely to comment on me as being a gaijin with me alone than they were when I was in a larger group. Although, it may just be that usually I am engrossed in conversation, whereas today I could hear everything going on around me. I bought eggs and fish, because those are my cooking goals for the week. I also bought sweet potatoes and green beans, as an added bonus. I also bought a huge pack of sushi. I decided that I had been in Japan for too long without having eaten any yet! Next, I headed to buy laundry detergent and some other cleaning products.

Now, I would like to diverge from the details to explain that it’s really difficult to learn how to cook and clean in a foreign country. I imagine that I did know some of the skills necessary to survive at home, but here, you really have to know a lot about what you’re looking for since very few labels have any information on them in English. Cooking is tough because some of the packaging is kind of ambiguous, and if you’re looking for vegetable oil, you have to know exactly what you’re looking for or else you might get canola or peanut oil. I guess the difference isn’t that huge, but it’s still something that can be a problem every time you go to the store. Plus, if you do buy something that is prepackaged but uncooked (i.e. dumplings), you have to learn to cook it without knowing what the instructions on the package say. I ran into this same problem trying to figure out what products to buy for cleaning purposes. I finally figured out what was detergent, and was reassured that it would work on my clothes because I saw on the back where it had brightly colored clothing garments and had the English word: “colors.” I was very grateful for that. Trying to find fabric softener was done by looking for people snuggling against their laundry on the package. And the household cleaning products were just as tough. I was looking for Febreeze and an all-purpose cleaning spray. I finally found the one by reading the word “febreeze” in katakana and then found the cleaning spray because of the label that showed a microwave, kitchen sink, a table, and an entertainment unit, all sparkling. Now that I know, shopping should be easier, but these first few times have left me slightly puzzled at times.

I came home and put in a little elbow-elbow grease to scrub down the shelf unit that I had found abandoned behind one of the dorms here. It had some moss growing on it, so it was tough going at times, but I managed to get it clean after about three scrub downs, and installed it in my room. My room looks so much cleaner now that I can get the big box of stuff that my mom sent out of the way. Plus, I have a place to prepare food other than the floor. I also rearranged my room so that I have more of a desk area and table for eating. Matt and Rachel gave me some extra linens and two extra pillows, so now I have a “bed” on the tatami mat and a “study area” on the futon bed. Before I hadn’t had any other pillows, so my butt always hurt. Plus, I bought a chair that sits on the floor that has a folding back so that I can use it to read and eat in. I felt like I had really accomplished something with my morning.

I studied and read for a while, and then got word that I was to get up and get ready for dinner. Some of the people had gotten together and prepared a meal for me, in fact, I got two meals! I had a great vegetarian pasta dish that had carrots, mushrooms, etc. and then Shenea had made salmon, knowing that it is my favorite food. She also made me broccoli and a sweet potato. I couldn’t believe how wonderful everyone had been. Everyone brought wine to celebrate (the drinking age in Japan is 20, and 20 is also considered a coming of age). We sat around having a hearty meal and great conversation. I got to blow out candles on two cakes, and in Japanese tradition, give a speech.

My speech was along the lines that it is amazing to come into a community and be here for a few weeks and then have people show their affection for you in such an amazing way as they did for my birthday. My birthday last year was great, but the people I celebrated with had a little more time to get to know me. This birthday was so cool because it showed me that the people that make up the community here are really giving amazing people.

After my party, we stayed up for a few hours playing this crazy sticky note game. Pretty much, someone put a name on a sticky note on your forehead and then you had to try to guess it asking only yes or no questions that everyone else would try to answer. People would write things like Tron, Jesus, his own nose, Mr. Rodgers, Grendel, the lead singer from Metallica, etc. It was hilarious when people would get so frustrated trying to guess even though they were so close to what it was, as in the case of it being their own nose. After the game, I went to bed really happy about how great my birthday had been. And it was.

Music equivalent of the day: the FW rendition of “Happy Birthday”
Food: the vegetarian noodle dish and Shenea’s salmon!
Major purchase: folding floor chair and sumi-e paper
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Language barriers.
What I learned: the ginger that comes in sushi here is WAY better. Seriously, though, I found out today in my readings that the Ainu Kyokai, a group petitioning for equality for and assimilation of the Ainu (a minority group in Japan) was started as an extension of, and funded by the same government that denies their existence. In front of the Human Rights Committee of the UN, the Japanese government claimed “…minorities of the kind mentioned in the Covenant do not exist in Japan” (Weiner, 40).
Priority: getting work done before Monday

On my own...

Yet again, another fulfilling weekend night. Several friends and I went to the okonomiyaki dojo, a restaurant where you can make okonomiyaki, a dish that consists of flour, eggs, cabbage, and whatever topping you decide to add to it. The cool thing is that you get to cook it yourself on a grill at the table. I ordered pork for my topping and I had a good time cooking and eating it. Plus, we had fried foods on sticks (cheese, garlic, onions, mushrooms) as an appetizer. All of it was tasty. I will definitely have to go back and try the experience again with different toppings. Afterwards, we walked home in the rain and hung out for hours. I ended up staying up talking to someone about learning to be content with yourself. I was very reluctant at first to think that it’s necessary to accept that you have to learn to be completely happy alone, but looking back, he had a point. It is true that if surrounded by friends, you can find people to do things with, but quite often, we get roped into doing things we don’t want to do to remain near those people. Yet when you can learn to be happy alone, it doesn’t matter what everyone else in your life is doing, you will still be happy. Plus, if you are always doing what you want to be doing, you will find yourself surrounded by other people who are interested in doing the same things. It’s inevitable. I have taken great leaps and bounds in the last year to extend my peer group so that I would never be alone, but I was looking at it the wrong way. It’s not about being happy with the people surrounding you so that you’re never alone, it’s about learning to be alone so that you’re always happy. Period. I used to think that was one of the ways that I would quickly deprive myself of friends, but in truth, it’s a way to gain a whole new contentment in life that will show in your interactions with other people. So I guess it’s my goal to become more content alone. It sounds easy enough on paper, I guess, but I know it’s something that I will struggle with. I do tend to get attached very easily to people. I need to try to learn that being happy alone isn’t going to prevent me from being around the people I care about, but instead from being disappointed or frustrated when they aren’t around. So I guess this is a goal worth working towards. I turn twenty tomorrow. I guess I can’t be a kid forever.

Music equivalent of the day: kid playing theme song to Super Mario on his guitar
Food: okonomiyaki
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Being alone. And being happy about it.
Priority: Turning 20!

One more day!

This is, oddly enough, my last day of being a teenager. It's still early in the day, but I figured I wouldn't get another chance to post until Monday, and I wanted to look back over the things that have happened to me in a year.

Or even really the change that has happened to me in a year. Specifically one thing, I guess.

This time last year, I was up and down and all over the place emotionally. This year, I'm stable. Sounds good, right? I thought so too, but today, in reflection, I decided to look back at where I was a year ago.

I am glad to be far away from all of the things that I had to deal with before going on meds for being bipolar. The whole "finding the courage to press down" thing. But now, I am not even sure I know myself. Nothing inspires me anymore. Sometimes I feel a little happier in my body or a little more relaxed in my surroundings or the slight urge to take a picture...but I can't remember when the last time I had the urge to write was....really write. The way I used to. If anyone is curious as to what I mean by write, well, I keep a blog of all of my poetry.

I hadn't written much this year, even before I went on the meds, but I wrote a lot this summer, right before coming to school. And now there's nothing. I can't even get out a haiku worth two glances. I have been keeping this blog in the hopes that something will all of a sudden pop out and take me by surprise. So far, I've not been that lucky. I look at where I was a year ago, and I wish I could know that kind of happiness again. I know that with that happiness comes depression, but I can't live with this "non-feeling" much longer. I tell myself that it's worth it. I've been able to maintain friendships, get my grades up, be dedicated to my committments and love Bryan...but I do miss something. I miss the way that my mind would explode with thoughts about the rest of my life in technicolor or how I would reel from the words which I would pour out onto the page. I miss the days when nothing made sense except for doing cartwheels and laying in the grass. I miss enjoying a group of people because I wasn't paying attention to them at all. I miss being able to live on that separate dimension that I used to be able to share with just myself.

I guess now, that dimension has been replaced with Bryan. Our long walks this winter were the only times I could wonder about the right and wrong of the rest of my life...

And I'm far away from that now.

So, my question to myself and to anyone out there listening who has ever gone through this...is medicine worth it? Is it okay to be a little crazy? And what part of myself am I sacrificing by being on medication. Is it even a real part of myself, or just something that I imagined existed once? Do I have the power to get it back, or even get close? And in the really healthy environment that exists in Japan, do I have the courage to try to go without my medication again? Is it worth it?

I'm tired of life being gray. Every day blurred by my inability to really feel anything. I can care. I sometimes can even recognize things about me caring about people. But it takes something like Bryan being far away from me to realize that I love him and to think about the difference in fun level that would exist here if Emily was here instead of really far away.

I mean, sure, I have been able to stay on a decently productive level on my medicine. In fact, sometimes I have been able to write. And sometimes I have made sense. But what is it to produce something if it's no good. I feel like all I do these days is produce passages of uninspiration. I feel that I am not even capable of being able to show someone the beauty of Japan anymore without relying on my pictures to show them. I used to be able to describe all the beauty I saw only in words.

I will use the word "genius" for lack of a better word...but where, where did my creative genius go? Did it really get surpressed into the back of my mind with the depression? I would imagine that creative genius and depression don't breed good company. And that's what's going on in there, just waiting for me to give it a chance to get out.

Then again, even really depressed writing would make me happier than producing endless amounts of nothing.

After some more reminiscing, I decided to do an "updated list of me," mostly for me to get a better sense of where I am in my life right now.

I know: far too little about the world to make it better.
I want: to be held and touched.
I have: a daily budget for the first time in my life.
I wish: only to have a real wish the next time I see a falling star.
I hate: losing myself in a sea of consumerism.
I miss: myself.
I fear: never finding my voice again.
I often: spend hours thinking and doing trivial things because I lack the motivation to pull myself away.
I hear: music without caring about it.
I like: BRYAN!
I ache: only physically. And somewhere else, deep inside.
I care: about writing.
I always: find a way to defeat myself.
I dance: when I free my body enough to be open.
I cry: when I realize that the Internet will never be a good way to tell someone you love them.
I write: far less than I ought to.
I confuse: myself now with who I was.
I can usually be found: online during the day and eating most of the night.

It's time: for me to grow.

Realizing that my life now isn't as much on track as I would like it to be, I'm kind of disappointed. This summer, I was headed towards a life as an individual. Now I feel like I have a LIFE, but lack the individuality part of it. I really am going to have to do some serious thinking about where that leaves me.

Next time you see me, I will be 20.

R&R

Today I got to rest and relax a lot more after class because of not having Japanese homework. It was fantastic. Our Behind the Mask class today was pretty intense though, since everyone was really opinionated, but I am starting to really get into it. Plus, I found some great articles to write precises on. Don't worry, I will post them after they're written, as well as the links to the original articles.

In Web Publishing, I considered whether or not to move my blog to a better server, one with cooler web technology that I could use. It wouldn't be as easy as this one, but I could compile everything I do into one place, instead of a million. I will keep everyone updated on that as well.

I guess tonight was a quieter night, so I don't have as much to say. I think in this next week I need to seriously reconsider my priorities and find the time to get all of the important things done.

Music of the day: Radiohead- Sit Down, Stand Up
Food: John's VERY yummy Miso Shiru (Miso Soup)
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Victory cannot be seen as an excuse to quit.
Top priority: Laundry, cleaning room, and groceries for the weekend, again...since I didn't get it done yesterday.

Breathing

Relief! Today was my final exam in Intensive Japanese (three hours, five days a week since I’ve been here!) so now I will get to be in a regular Japanese class which will meet for two hours three times a week. To celebrate, we got to go to a restaurant called Speakeasy that serves American-style breakfast: Eggs, sausage, hash browns, French toast, and hard boiled eggs. I even got to drink cranberry juice, which was a welcome treat. The center even paid for us, as long as we ordered in Japanese! “Go-ban seto to caranuberi jusu o kudasai.” (I hope that’s right, or else my teachers will be a little disappointed). After that, we went to a shopping area where we asked for prices and the time. Following that, we went to a grocery store and asked the workers to show us where certain products were. Finally, we had to get directions to different streets and landmarks from people on the street. It was really fun. And on the way home, I found a fude, or brush, with which to do sumi-e at one of the 100 yen stores. I spent the rest of the day at the center getting some information together. When I came home I took a really long bath and shower that lasted for several hours but was way overdue. I had Triscuits and granola with soy milk for dinner because I haven’t had a chance to go shopping for any meat recently. But! I did find a shelving unit that I just need to clean, but then I will have a place to store all of my foods. I am REALLY excited about it. Plus, since it was abandoned behind one of the dorms, it is free as long as I put it back at the end of the semester. I did decide today, however, that when I get back to the states I’m going to invest in a better everyday book bag. Mine holds a lot, but it has a horrible support system, and yesterday when Taka was showing us shiatsu, he commented that I have a large amount of tension in my shoulders. Plus, a book bag is a great way to carry groceries so that you don’t have to weigh down your arms nor do you have to waste paper and plastic bags. Yet I am not sure I really see me going to Food Lion and putting all of my groceries in my book bag at the cash register. It might seem a little strange.

I spent a large part of tonight napping. But I really do need to clean my room and do laundry. I believe that I will make that a TOP priority for the weekend. Plus, I need to get some incense or Febreeze so that my room doesn’t constantly smell like dirty laundry and whatever was the last thing I cooked in my toaster oven. I hope it starts getting nicer soon. Most people choose to air dry their clothes because it’s expensive to use the dryer, but it’s been so rainy recently, I am not sure that I could effectively dry my clothes outside.

Music of the day: Saul Williams
Major purchase: sumi-e brush
Food: a pastry made with a sweet bean filling
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Looking forward is fun, but accomplishes little.
Top priority: Laundry, cleaning room, and groceries for the weekend

Blooming

Today I felt free. Freer than I had felt in a long time. I finally was able to do well in my Japanese class. Afterwards, I was able to get a lot done in the afternoon, and returned to the center for my area study in Tai Chi, a martial art that is focused on relaxing movements that teach a person to use their opponents weight and force against them. Yet, our lesson in Tai Chi was not very focused on actual combat, but instead on awareness, breathing, proper body position, and gathering energy. When I walked up the hill to where my teacher was practicing alone on grassy rooftop, I almost believed that he was performing some strange type of dance. Sometimes his body would move very slowly and gracefully, as if he were doing ballet, only to be interrupted by a sharp noise and movement as he kicked his leg to the side, part of what appeared to be a jazz routine. I had heard a while back that there were several types of martial arts that so closely resembled dance that practice in one could lead to strengthening of the other. From watching my teacher as he practiced, I believed that Tai Chi could certainly be one of those martial arts. Taka-sensei, as I would call my teacher, is a Tai Chi champion who was going to teach us some basic movements and techniques. When the rest of the class had gathered, we walked about three minutes up to a sandy field in a park that was more appropriate for our activities for the day: larger and more attractive with fewer distractions.

We bent our knees, tightened our hara (the area between the top of your pants and your belly button), and began breathing deeply, in tune with our movements. We began with very simple arm movements that were often described in terms of holding a large ball and moving it in different directions. As we breathed and moved our arms, our knees softened and straightened slightly in tune with our movements, much in the same way that one would perform bar work in ballet. Taka-sensei was using all of the vocabulary I was familiar with: a string coming out of the top of my head to keep me tall, an axis on which my body was to turn, and focus. I found myself finding peace in our simple movements, although my body was still struggling with some of the movements, like keeping my knees slightly bent the entire time. After a warm up and introduction to the movement, we learned a very short routine that was maybe seven movements per side, but was very beautiful. We performed the set of movements time and time again, and each time, as Taka was telling me to relax my elbows, relax my shoulders, and keep proper hip position, I found myself more and more able to do it. Taka said something to me that no other teacher had ever been able to get across: if all of the energy is bunched up in your shoulders, how will it get down the rest of your arms? He explained by relaxing, we keep the channels in our body open for the energy, and through it get more power. And I was feeling very powerful. Very balanced. Very centered. Taka said that someone who is good at Tai Chi can find spring at all times by creating their own spring in their mind, by seeing beautiful flowers grow everywhere, even in the winter. He also said that because there is constantly energy there in the sky for the taking and the energy from the earth, we only have to keep ourselves open to it. Anyone who needs more energy only needs to focus himself to be able to bring it in to themselves and store it in their hara. This could be done with breathing and awareness. As the lesson neared its end, I saw the rain start to fall. Before I heard it, before I felt it, I saw it. I am not sure how long it has been since that happened. Yet the rain did not bother me. I wanted to stay out in it forever and dance and learn to gather strength from nature. And I would have done so, had Taka not immediately offered to follow the lesson in Tai Chi with one in shiatsu.

I believe I have described shiatsu before, briefly, but to quickly refresh everyone, shiatsu is focused with pressure points and with the giver channeling positive energy into the receiver’s body through the pressure points. We decided to work the side positions, which are less familiar to the students who have been practicing since last semester. Starting with the head and working down the side of the body to the final set which is found just above and below the hip bone, we worked in sets of three pressure points which you target twice in a row before moving on. We worked down the neck, shoulders, and back, and then moved to the arms. We did this on both sides before the lesson was over. It was a good experience to be able to give and receive, and I am looking forward to more lessons. Next time, next Friday, I believe we are working legs. I’m really excited because I really need to learn how to find the pressure points in my calf and down to my ankle so that I can get some good energy in to my ankle and help it to heal.

After shiatsu, which made us all very relaxed, I had to go study because my Intensive Japanese final exam is tomorrow. We went to this great restaurant that has a drink bar, which means for $4 (400 yen) or so you can buy a “drink bar” which gives you access to as many cups of coffee, hot chocolate, teas (hot and cold) and soft drinks as you could manage to drink. On top of that, they have great flavorings to put into your drinks, so you can have a caramel hot chocolate or vanilla Pepsi, etc. It also stays open until 2 AM, so it’s a great place to go to study. You can sit all night and keep drinking hot chocolate and coffee for that one price without ever paying for a refill. It’s one of the few things I have found that is a really good deal, although good deals do happen occasionally. One of the other students was there with his language exchange partner, someone who wants to learn to speak better English, and she was really nice. She invited all of us to a party at her house when she gets back from visiting California at the end of this month. I am thinking about posting at the International Community House to get a language exchange partner, because even if I am just able to make friends with someone who is Japanese, it would be really cool. I finally finished studying, but I still had a paper to do, so I went over to Nitto to finish it up since they have a table where I can spread out. I still don’t have a desk in my room, so sometimes I get frustrated with doing my homework on the floor. At least I know that I won’t need much furniture when I get home. I think of Matt Whalen using my beautiful desk and desk chair, and I get a little homesick.

I am getting to bed late again tonight, which is a shame since I have my exam in the morning. But I guess it’s better to do one’s work than to not do it.

Music of the day: Beach Boys- Barbara Ann
Major purchase: Drink bar!
Food: Chicken doria (A chicken and rice dish at Sunday Sun)
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Create your own spring.
Top priority: Japanese exam tomorrow

Lovey Dovey-ness

Today was Valentine’s Day. The best one I have had in a long time thanks to some wonderfully timed individuals. I decided to give everyone here who has helped me out since I first got here a haiku that I had written for them. They were small gifts, but they came from the heart. I also gave everyone I saw kisses all the way from the states! (Hershey Kisses, of course). My morning couldn’t have started out better. I got online and Bryan was there! And on top of that, he stayed around his computer for the three hours that I was in Japanese class so that we could have a short Valentine’s Day conversation. It was amazing. He is amazing. Best of all, he’s going to call me on my birthday, which has me really excited. This is the first Valentine’s Day in a long time that I’ve had someone to spend it with, and although I’m sad that I can’t be at home in the states with Bryan, he totally made it special. I am really lucky to have someone so supportive of me. I also got a very well timed package from my mom with some Valentine’s candy and some Munchies! (my favorite). All of my friends here just laugh: “They have food here in Japan too, you know!” But they were still jealous when I pulled out my pop tarts for lunch. It’s hard to get over the fact that grades here don’t matter as much as they do back home, but I’ve been doing relatively well, considering the adjustment period is still ongoing. I finished my homework really early tonight, so it gave me a lot of time to work on my journal, which I freely admit was getting backlogged. I am also thinking of doing some updating of my template, like having a list of things at either the top or bottom that describe some of the parts of my day that I would like to have in every blog, just for a record, like major purchases, meals, music, outings, etc. I will have to think about it and decide what things are most important and relevant to share every day.

Music of the day: bad love songs
Food: leftover vegetarian pizza
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Every day should be a day for telling people you love them, not just today.
Top priority: Updating blog template

Quick question

Today I put some more pictures up on my site. There are a couple that are decent. I may have to start another album soon for the better pictures. Let me know what you think about having a separate album for the "good ones."

Cloud Watching Pace

Despite being up late on Friday, I was up and about fairly early. I went to the Tofu Café with several other people from the center and had an AMAZING meal, even if it was a little pricy. One of the coolest things was that everything was made with tofu. I had a tofu soup, tofu bread, and tofu in my salad. To finish it off we had a tofu and chocolate sundae. The food was all delicious. It’s a shame we don’t have more places like the Tofu Café in Williamsburg. After lunch, we quickly ran to a really nice hyuaku en store, where I finally found my sumi-e supplies, minus the brush. Then we headed down towards the river, where there are several large fields. We had intended to play Frisbee, but when we got there, there were four teams rotating playing ultimate, two girls teams and two boys teams. The two guys out of our group got to play with one of the Japanese teams, but the other girl and I just sat and watched. It was wonderful. We talked about boys and bonded, and suddenly I don’t feel so lonely here anymore. The entire pace of the day was peaceful. The day was clear, and the view of the mountains was amazing. There were huge birds soaring over the field and I had nothing at all on my mind other than what was going on and what we were talking about. We walked down the street and found a little grocery where I bought a lemon for an afternoon snack. By the time we got back to the field, it was getting starting to rain a little, so we all headed home. I ate dinner over at the other dorm: chili and rice and cheesy garlic toast. Afterwards, I tried doing some homework, but found my interest level drifting. It was still early, so I went upstairs and watched an anime movie in Japanese…without subtitles. Although it was sometimes difficult to figure out exactly what was going on, I really enjoyed it, and the few Japanese words I could catch here and there made it fun. The dorms stay pretty cold (although I think my room is an exception), so we all huddled under blankets together and put our feet under a table that has a heater built into the underside of it…a pretty clever invention, I must say. I did get all of my work done, eventually, but I am getting to bed pretty late because of not having one of the readings until two people were done with it. We don’t have enough books in one of my classes, so it has made for a frustrating sharing situation. Not that I don’t like sharing, but just that it means that someone has to stay up late to get it done. Late enough, indeed.

Music equivalent of the day: Keisha and watching people play frisbee
Major purchase: sumi-e ink and grinding stone
Food: Tofu soup, tofu bread, and a tofu ice cream sundae
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Life is peaceful when you eat a lemon.
Top priority: Valentines for everyone

Night Crawling

Though last night ended fairly early, today was certainly more than I expected. Weekends had been pretty uneventful and quiet so far, but this Saturday was plenty full. I woke up relatively late, considering how early I’ve been up since getting here. I had talked to several people about getting out into the city since I have to write several papers about it, plus I needed to buy a bike to get around Kyoto. I had used the bus system a lot, but there are a lot of places that are too short to take a bus but too far to walk. One of the other girls and I had decided to go out and try to buy a bike, but luckily one of the guys who has been here for a semester stopped by right as we were getting ready to leave. We walked down to the bike shop where I bought my new bike for 6000 yen. It is blue and has a basket and a rattrap on the back, where I could carry someone else or strap on a large object. It came complete with a lock, a light, and a bell. It even had a name: Sweet Lib. The handlebars are positioned very differently than any I have ever used before, but I came close to getting used to them. After picking up our bikes, we headed out on the town. The mission was to find Beavis and Butthead do America, but it was not such an easy task. We had to go to quite a few stores and it took most of the day. Along the way, we got to go to a lot of fun places. There are two chains of really inexpensive stores in Japan. One is a kyuju-kyu store, which is 99 yen, and the other is a hyuaku en store, which is 100 yen. I got to look through a lot of them, and they certainly have more useful items than a dollar store back home. The nice ones have entire sections for arts and crafts, the kitchen, hardware, wooden products, food, toys, beauty products, etc. One girl even bought a pestle there! I bought some really great stationary to send letters home on, when I get the chance. I could not find what I was really looking for, though, which was a set of sumi-e supplies: ink, grinding stone, and brush. At one point, we stopped at Izumiya, which is a really large department store that combines clothing, electronics, and groceries all in the same building. Imagine a really nice version of Wal-Mart and you would only begin to brush the ice. The buildings are usually several stories. It was getting close to lunch time, so we decided to eat. We were eating at the bakery, which has a lot of good bread/meat/cheese combinations, but one of the girls that was with us is a vegetarian, and we weren’t sure what didn’t have meat in it. Since we couldn’t read the signs, we were just going to give up, but one of the guys with us spoke good Japanese, so he went to ask the clerk. He was trying to ask if there was meat in a certain dish, but instead, because the words sound so alike, he accidentally said “cat” instead. So the woman looked at him quite strangely. He quickly rebounded from his mistake, but the rest of us were hysterical. We headed in the direction of Heian Temple, and got to spend a while there, looking around. After biking around for a little longer, we headed downtown. We finally found the movie! and decided to go out for dinner. There was a restaurant that charged the exact same price for all of its menu items, so we all got different foods that looked interesting. I got a cheese fondue and what ended up being a fish cake which were both very good, yet it is still a challenge to order food here in Japan, because although I know a lot of words for general foods, I am not that great at reading Japanese yet, so I struggle. You can try to go by the pictures, but sometimes they can be misleading. Dinner was good, and perhaps the best part, one of the guys with us paid for it. Just did it, without saying anything…and refused to let us pay him back! It’s always nice to be around a gentleman. At this point, we decide to go home, but we also decide to ride though the Gosho, which was all gravel. I came very close to wiping out a couple times, so it looked like I needed some bike practice. And believe me, I got it. I ended up getting lost with one of the other girls who is new to the center, and it was quite a while before we found our way home. We did it, though, using the bus stop maps as a guide, and a little bit of Japanese to ask people if they could point us in the right direction. We did make it home, and celebrated by staying up until about 4 AM. It was a little much, but my first extraordinarily late night since I’ve been here, so I enjoyed it.

Music equivalent of the day: Getting lost in Kyoto
Major purchase: Sweet Lib, my bike
Food: fish cake and cheese fondue
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: the woodwork at the Heian Jingu (shrine)
Top priority: seeing more of Japan, visiting temples

All Things Bright and Beautiful

After leaving the center on Friday, a bunch of people decided to head to the sento, which surprisingly was open. It’s a pretty efficient system, but not what I expected. When we first walked in there were lockers in which to put your shoes. You then take out the key, which locks the locker. Tickets were about 370 yen, which is close to $3.70. ($1=110yen or so). We then went into a locker room type area, complete with mirrors, lockers, and even a salon style hair dryer. After getting undressed and collecting your soap, shampoo, and washcloth (which you can bring or rent from the sento), you head into the baths. You take a bowl and a tiny stool and sit at one of the spots along the wall. These spaces are marked with a showerhead, a mirror, and cold and hot water spigots. Using your bowl and washcloth, you wash yourself in a room full of other people doing the same. It is a very shocking experience, especially with me being from the Western world where nudity is a taboo. All of these women were very comfortable in their bodies. I only saw one girl cover herself as she walked through the baths. After washing yourself, there are a multitude of baths to choose from. In the center of the shower room there was a medicine bath which was a rosy color and smelled like flowers and a very, very hot bath. There was also a private bath, which was enclosed in glass, a sauna, and a spa chair. Down the hall there was a cold bath which was too cold to get into, and an outdoor bath. I had to try them all! I think my favorite was the outdoor bath, because it was beautiful. Dark stones covered the inside of the bath, surrounded by a tall fence which opened up to a starry nighttime sky. The cold night made mist rise up from the hot water, refreshing my face. A bunch of us spent a good while outside, talking to each other and relaxing. They say you don’t know clean until you’ve known the sento. I would argue that it wasn’t as good for washing my hair, since the showerheads were not working the night that we went, but the rest of my body really did feel very clean. It is practice to rinse oneself off between different types of baths, so I spent a lot of time pouring bowls of water over myself, which was great. I think the worst part was the walk home, which was slightly cold. Most people decided to go straight home, but I went to hang out with one of the guys who wasn’t going immediately to sleep. He showed me this fantastic magazine produced in New York about Middle Eastern art. It was beautiful. The graphics and the stories were all really well done, and there were very few advertisements. Really attractive graphic elements were scattered throughout the magazines, and the photo spreads were really appealing. It is very obvious that the magazine is not meant to show fashion trends, even in the fashion section, but instead to make an art out of making a magazine. I really want to borrow one of them sometime soon so that I can read the stories a little more closely. Also, I think that I should find out where to buy them so that I could give one to Bryan and Anthony when I go back home. After looking at the magazines for a good while, the guy showed me a really interesting collection of independent cartoons, which really sparked my interest. Some of the textures and colors startled me. The cartoons were made out of everything from ink to papier-mâché. And a lot of them had really beautiful stories that read almost like poetry. These were certainly not “the funnies” that you’d get in a local paper, but I loved them. Apparently, there is a second edition coming out soon, and I think that I will have to consider buying it, if only for the joy of discovering what else can be done in a short cartoon.

Music of the day: Sigur Ros
Major purchase: sento ticket
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Nudity, how it exists as a taboo in America and is more accepted in Japan.
Top priority: buying a bike

Faceless Frustrations

The weekend is fast approaching and I need to get around the parts of Kyoto that I have not yet seen, but today is a national holiday, and most things are not open. I have been waiting about an hour for Bryan, who told me that he had something important to tell me, but he’s not back yet. I may have to leave without talking to him, which would be frustrating. It’s Friday afternoon here, while it’s Thursday night for all of the kids back home. I still have not yet adjusted to the time schedule of when to try to talk to people. It can get frustrating when you cannot get in touch with anyone you need to. Or rather not need. But you know, just want to leave like a positive happy message and whatnot. Someday this whole time difference thing will make sense, but that is not today. I struggle, at times like this, with the appropriate action. Talking to Bryan is really important to me, but so is going out and exploring Kyoto. I run into this same problem back home all the time. I really want to have my own life independent of what other people are doing, but I also like maintaining my relationships with other people. I always struggle with finding the right balance. I mean, I am getting some of my work done that I otherwise would have had to accomplish this weekend, but I also am not getting much out of it. I have a lot to get done. I did not get all my goals for the week accomplished, so I have my work cut out for me this weekend. But more than anything, I want to spend time with people. We had all planned on going to the sento, the Japanese public bath, tonight, but since it’s a national holiday, I am starting to doubt that it will be open. Hopefully though, there will be time on Saturday and Sunday for touring Kyoto and for making the best of the work that I do have to get done. So now, I’m going to go. A little less happy than I have been, with a little more to think about. Man. Why do girls have to be so emotional?

To be fair, Bryan did show up after about two hours and had forgotten. But that doesn't make my struggle on the issue any less valid. Learning to balance my relationships with other people and my relationship with myself is something that I need to work on in regards to everyone.

Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: When is sacrificing your time for someone else too great of a sacrifice?
Top priority: Getting clean!

Dinner, more food, and cuddling

Today was a day, and a long one. Classes ran most of the day, and I had two papers to turn in, one which I had written the night before and one which I struggled to write following the end of my classes for the day. Intensive ends on Wednesday or Thursday of next week, so then I will get a little bit of my time to myself again. For now, I have four papers due on Monday, and plenty of reading. The end of the day was more positive. I finally got a large package from my mom which contained all of the things I needed to make myself well fed over the next month or so (granola, popcorn, and all that). Carrying it home was hard, but I had help from a friend and got it done. Then we decided to all go out for dinner. Dinner was great. We went to Jolly Pasta, which is a pasta and pizza place close to where I live. They had this meal deal where you could get a pizza or a pasta dish, any two side items (salads, soups, desserts), and a drink. I got a white pizza, which was ridiculously good. The crust was very thin and crispy and the cheese and sauce were very different from home. But it was delicious. I only ate about half of it, so the other half is in my refrigerator ready to be heated and eaten. After dinner, we did some quick shopping. I picked up some garlic so that I can cook fish sometime next week. I still need to get the fish, but I was waiting to find the perfect yummy one. Then we headed home to watch a movie. I think it was a German comedy, although it was not very funny. It was kind of strange, but had a positive message in the end, perhaps. I was trying to do my homework and watched only parts of the movie. Then we had a study cuddle party on my bed, which wasn’t so much cuddling and one of the girls falling asleep and the rest of us doing work. I am going to get to bed early for a change, so hopefully I will have plenty of energy to tackle the weekend.

Music equivalent of the day: German comedy film
Major purchase: Garlic
Food: Vegetarian Pizza
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Studying with people makes studying hard, but more fun.
Top priority: papers due Monday

Friends, relationships, and thoughts

I had been looking forward to today. The last of the girls that are here this semester finally got in tonight. There are five of us, best as I can count. Two of the girls are involved in relationships and then there is myself and my two other dorm mates. Right now I am in my room finishing up my homework while the other two are giggling in the other room together. Apparently they knew each other from one of the other centers. I am a little disappointed, I guess, and kind of surprised about it. I was actually sad that I wouldn’t be able to get really close with any of the other girls here at the center. I have never really valued my female friends at school the way that I valued my guy friends….or rather, that’s wrong. I have valued my female friends, but I guess I never realized how much. I put my really important pictures up today. Bryan, my real family, and my sorority family. I always knew that my sisters were important to me, but I guess I didn’t realize how difficult it can be to find good girl friends.

Actually, on that note, I’d like to make a point. I know a lot of people are reading this back home, and I’ve been catching myself recently, trying to make sure that I won’t say anything that will hurt someone’s feelings or make them think that I’m not thinking of them. From now on I’m just going to free write what I’m feeling, and I hope you will all be conscious of the fact that I am never intentionally leaving anyone out of my thoughts or saying anything to purposively hurt anyone. I don’t want my journal time to be something that is stressful or difficult for me. I want it to be a time when I can really clear my mind of all of the things that are bothering me or are persistent thoughts by getting them out on paper.

So, the rest of the day then…My Japanese class was probably the best one that we’ve had so far. Everyone really wanted to learn today, I felt, so it was just a very positive class. Afterwards I took a shower, which is always a very good time to be alone with yourself and think or not think. I also feel much cleaner. Afterwards we had a class in sumi-e, which is Japanese ink painting. We painted a picture of the guy who founded Zen Buddhism as well as a picture of bamboo. I am pretty pleased with the way my drawings turned out and I’m hoping to do more of them while I’m here in Japan, although I am not sure what my natural inspirations would be. It is still so cold. I am ready for the flowers to start blooming. Although spring here is supposed to be plenty beautiful enough to wait for.

Speaking of waiting. It’s five days until Valentine’s Day now. I have had a succession of less than positive Valentine’s Days in the past few years, and I am really hoping this one will be better. It’s very difficult to be so far away from the people that you love and have a day like this that you could be sharing with someone special turn into an opportunity to miss them even more. I am trying not to do that, but it is difficult at times. I have tried to keep a very open positive mind about all of my relationships back home, especially my relationship with Bryan. I feel like it is silly for either of us to put our entire lives on hold just because we are away from each other. Both of us have to continue growing whether it is in the same or separate directions. I do not want him sitting at home worrying if I will or won’t approve of him doing something. I want him to every day be his own person so that when I come home I will get to learn about him all over again. I hope that I will also be a more fully capable person when I get home and that I will have grown into myself. I hope that he is as open minded about things as I am, but I have a feeling that he is even more so. I feel like what happens in each of our lives during this time period is not a reflection on our feelings for each other, but rather just the natural flow of events. Relationships in college can be very rewarding, but they can also be very scary. College is another step up in a person’s life, and a lot of people meet the person that they will marry in college. I have no intention of going and seeking out a marriage partner, but watching my friends get engaged and some of my older sorority sisters get married has made me realize that life does come up on you quickly. It has really made me re-evaluate the way I view a relationship with someone in college. As wonderful as it is to be in a healthy long-term relationship, I believe it is equally important for someone to maintain contact with other potential dates. I know it sounds silly, but comparison is really important. Often enough, people get suck in one type of relationship because it is all we’ve ever known, or they are with one person for such a long time that they have grown too comfortable to realize that they are unhappy. This is not the case for me. I am happy, but I also am not ready to sign any contracts. In so many ways, I do hope that Bryan dates other girls while I am gone. Sure, I’d love for his final conclusion to be, “wow, Ashley really is something special,” but I realize that if it’s not, it’s something that I’d like to know. Bryan is my best friend, and I don’t see that changing when I come home, no matter what has changed in our respective lives, but I do think that this four months will really give us a lot of perspective on which direction our relationship is headed. Some people here think that I am crazy for thinking that way, and maybe I am. I know though, that I would rather come home to a relationship strengthened by time apart than one put on hold because of it. That means going on with life. Taking opportunities as they come, however against the relationship they might seem. And I guess I mean this even more earnestly for Bryan than I do for myself. I have dated people who have been amazing and are still great friends of mine and I have dated people who have hurt me in ways I was not always aware of. I do not know how many of those experiences Bryan has had to compare our relationship to. I do hope that Valentine’s Day brings me love and affection from abroad, but more than anything, I hope this semester gives me an even greater gift: direction. Both within my life and within my interactions and relationships with other people.

I have done a lot of thinking tonight while studying in my room. I honestly think that I’m ready for my life. I am ready to let it be what it will be and live in it more fully every day. Tonight, I will meditate on the following:

If I am to love, may it be with my whole heart.
If I am to do, may it be with my whole soul.
If I am to live, let it be with every breath.
Let me be more fully in each moment as it happens.

Music of the day: Cake and Radiohead
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: relationships, plus the above meditation.
Top priority: making better friends here, keeping the ones at home

Lost and Found

Today was a long day. Especially long for a Tuesday. Japanese class has been dragging all of my energy out, and because I had so much class yesterday, I really feel like there hasn’t been much “me” time. As always, it’s gotten me a little strung out. I’m much better when I can spend an hour or two in silence, breathing, doing something useful. I only had one class today, but we had an area studies in another part of Kyoto, so right after Japanese class we had to hit the busses. There is a bus stop not too far from our neighborhood, so we went and took the 51 which got caught in some heavy traffic. At this point, we’re already passed the first stop we could have gotten off of but we decided to wait until the bus went around the block so we’d be a little closer, but the traffic is so heavy that all we’re doing is sitting still at stoplights and getting nowhere. The time was ticking away and we were getting closer and closer to being late every second. On top of that, none of us were exactly sure where we were going. We finally get to our stop and run across several streets to find our building, but where we think it should be, we only see a playground. One of the guys in our class (who has already had a semester of Japanese) was able to ask some women where we were supposed to be, and luckily we were there. Inside we had a hard time figuring out exactly which floor to go to and then we couldn’t find the right room, but we finally found it and were welcomed by a sea of happy, warm faces. These wonderful Japanese women teach cooking classes to local women wanting to improve upon their English and to foreigners. For about $10 dollars each, we learned how to cook tempura and then got to sit down to a fabulous meal complete with tea, miso soup, rice, and the tempura that we had just cooked. Tempura seems like something I will be able to do in the future, even though it requires a large pot of very hot oil, which scares me a little. We made tempura out of sweet potato slices, tiny peppers, eggplant, onion and carrots mixed together, shrimp, and burdock root. In all honesty though, you can make tempura out of any vegetable as long as you have the rest of the ingredients. I really look forward to trying to make tempura either here in my kitchen, which is probably less feasible, or at home this summer. I am still trying to cook for myself a little, and doing an okay job. Even if it’s only one part of a meal and even if it’s only the toaster oven, that’s still better than I am used to doing at home. I feel like I am ready to stock up on meat, so next time I go to the store I am going to get some salmon, some more beef (maybe), and some chicken if I can find it. I think I should get mom to e-mail me some of her easy meat recipes though, so that my food will taste better. Anyhow, these women there were AMAZING. They were dancing around and showing us a little more about Japanese culture than we realized we were in for. I wanted to take all of them home and make them my grandmothers. Mostly, that’s just because I miss mine. On the way home from the cooking class we sort of got lost, mostly because we did not want to wait a half hour for the bus. By the time we finally found another bus station that had a bus heading in the right direction, we could have just waited for the other one. We did have a good time though, navigating our way through Kyoto. We got to see a lot of the nearby scenery and see another part of the city that I was mostly unfamiliar with. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here for ten days…but that it has been ten days and that it’s been only ten days. I feel like my life here is so wonderfully full but there is just something different about the way time passes here. I have time to do so much for myself, but never as much as I want to do. But now, I have to do work, because it is, as always, a top priority.

Music of the day: Here I Go Again On my Own
Food: Tempura I cooked myself
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: What a great gift a compass is. Thanks Margaret.
Top priority: work

Monday, Busy Monday

Seven hours of class is plenty. Which is what I did today. But on a positive note, I won’t always be so busy. This Monday marks the beginning of a new week, which means one step closer to not having Intensive Japanese. Most of today was spent trying to catch up on everyone’s e-mails I missed over the weekend, which was a lot, but I hope that they are all answered now. My classes are all really interesting, but we sit on pillows on the floor, so I’m still adjusting to the whole not having a desk thing. I usually go over to the boys’ dorm where they have a kitchen table to do my Japanese since it means having a hard surface. Other than that my home life is progressing well. I tried to make bacon this morning. I burnt it to a crisp but it was still edible, and I am learning. I even made a bagged lunch to bring with me to school. I almost felt like a mommy. My own mommy to be sure, but it was still nice to feel organized in advance for a change. I still have a lot of personal goals that I haven’t been able to focus on due to my tough schedule, but the semester here will end on April 13, and I don’t go home until May 15. That will give me about a month to finish my portfolio (the Friend’s World version of finals) and sight see and generally do everything I have left to get accomplished here in Japan. Plus, when I get all of my studies worked out, which I will be doing this week, I will have a better idea of where to focus my time, where as now I am just kind of running around being ridiculous. I made the mistake of staying up and watching The Spanish Apartment tonight, which was very good, but was about a boy spending a semester away from home. It was in French, which was fun since I could understand some of it, but now I want to count to ten in French instead of Japanese. It also showed the struggle of this guy who was abroad from his girlfriend and family and the stress that can be related with trying to maintain positive relationships with both. I do worry about the reverse culture shock of coming home. I really want to see all of my friends, but I also know that I’m going to need some time to evaluate my position within my family and with my friends at school. A lot of things can change in a semester. People can grow together or they can grow apart. I’m not afraid of this growth, nor do I want to stop anyone from growing, but I also do know that it may change things for me a lot back home. I guess the movie just got me thinking. But I shouldn’t be thinking about coming home. Each day here is crisp and beautiful. I am just now getting used to looking outside of my window and seeing a mountain towering in the distance. Every day I’m growing more self sufficient and satisfied with my life here. I am cleaning my room every day, doing my dishes, making my bed (sometimes), etc. and somehow it gives me a pleasure that I didn’t get from doing it back home. It’s like the pleasure of standing in the middle of my room and looking around and knowing that this is the home I made all for myself is worth the work it takes to clean every once in a while. Perhaps I’m not so hopeless afterall.

Music equivalent of the day: The Spanish Apartment
Food: Bacon
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Growing
Top priority: defining personal goals

Addresses

Here's my address:

Ashley Slaff
c/o Friend's World
1-287 Akasaka-cho
Kinuugasa, Kita-ku
Kyoto 603-8486 Japan

E-mail me at:

aeslaf@wm.edu

If you want to call me, let me know...

First Meal

I was definitely a bum this morning, but I guess it’s okay because I really do have a lot of work to get done. I need to type up several schedules, and I have several papers and some Japanese homework. Luckily though, all of my sitting around the room being sorry that I had so much work to do was interrupted by one of my dorm-mates asking if I needed anything from the store. I did, but figured it was best just to go with her, since it would also help me get to see a little more of the neighborhood and learn my way around. We went, and I was able to get a WHOLE lot of groceries, i.e. things that I could actually make meals out of that didn’t consist solely of granola and yogurt. I also got some things to cook with, some nice cutlery, including wooden spoons, and my first pair of “real” chopsticks, meaning that they are the wash and reuse kind, and not the throw-away kind. They are the PERFECT chopsticks. They are the exact same color as my dorm room décor back home, so I may have to keep them forever and ever and bring them to school so you can all see them. I also picked up some of the things I needed for school: another notebook, printer paper, envelopes for money (money is considered dirty here and should always be given to someone, i.e. your landlady, in an envelope), and a planner size notebook. When I got home, I made myself dinner…cooking, real pot and pan and stove cooking. A small feat for some, a huge leap for me. I made two small hamburgers. One I ate for dinner tonight as a chopped steak, complete with dinner roll and dessert and the other I will save for a hamburger lunch tomorrow. I even took a picture of how happy I was about my first meal. : ) I did burn my tongue on my buttered roll, but it certainly didn’t ruin the meal. Now I’m going to sit down and get to work with writing out my schedule and actually DOING my work instead of writing a journal entry about it.

Music equivalent of the day: shopping with Shenea
Major purchase: chopsticks, wooden spoons, a bowl, a pan, and groceries
Food: my “first meal”
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: Trusting your instincts doesn’t always lead you in the right direction, but it’s fun.
Top priority: homework

Positive Vibes

Today has been a very, very good day. I finally got my first real e-mail from Bryan, which reassured me that everything at home is going well. I got an e-mail from Mom that let me know that my Grandma is still doing okay. I finally was able to send her my birthday wish list (which is all food, since a lot of it is expensive here). I had Japanese class and I think I’m getting better, and then I had an area studies in martial arts. One of the students was missing from the course, so I ran back to the dorm to find her. On my way back, I saw a truck selling huge bags of tangerine-type oranges for 500 yen, which is $5.00. I bought a bag and was walking away, and then I said arigato, which is thank you in Japanese and they told me to come back and gave me several HUGE oranges from the pricier box. I was pretty excited. Now I have a great breakfast and dessert food for a while. I finally got to meet with one of my instructors and start working out my learning plan for the semester. They are really flexible and it looks like I’m going to get to do a lot of things that I was worried I would have to pick from. I am taking Japanese, and then I am doing Area Studies, which is a fun series of lectures about the culture here. My other classes are Behind the Mask, a course about the minority groups in Japan and Interactive Web Publishing, a course about networking and certain technologies that I am taking for no credit. The rest of my courses will be independent studies, and you can check the bottom of this post for more information about them. After my advisor’s meeting I got some of my homework done, but it’s kind of time consuming, because I am not only doing my homework in romaji (which is written out using the English alphabet), I am also doing it in kana, the Japanese character system. There are two sets, one for Japanese words and one for English words such as names. A lot of stores and products here can be identified by sounding out the katakana to figure out the English equivalent. So, doing my homework that was is good practice, but it does take longer. After some homework, we hackey sacked for a while. I’m still bad, but I do think of you kids at home whenever I play. When everyone was ready we headed to a really wonderful natural foods restaurant that caters to vegetarians. The meal was fantastic. I am not sure exactly what I ate, but all of it was very different and wonderful. There was pasta, a million types of tofu, potatoes, seaweed, etc. It was very good and I certainly left feeling full. The trip home consisted of a conversation with one of the guys here about Communism and our ideas for how it could be applied in small communities to produce a positive result, though we both agree it wasn’t meant to be applied to running entire countries. I went home and hung out at the guys dorm, which has pretty much become the norm for me (is anyone surprised?) and one of the guys gave me shiatsu. It’s not really a massage, but it does make your body feel a lot better. Shiatsu, as he explained, is about applying pressure to certain pressure points and channeling chi, or energy, through their bodies into the pressure points. I could really tell a difference walking home, because my bad ankle actually felt connected to my leg for a change. It was a good feeling to have walking home. I went to bed early, on a Friday night (well, at least early for me). The schedule works a lot different here, just because everyone’s very academically focused, not because they have to be, but because they really like what they are doing.

I feel like I should explain here a little more about the Friend’s World Program and the way it works. Although as a new student I am required to take certain courses that allow me to get more out of my study abroad here in Japan, they really discourage us from taking only courses offered by the center. I have about 6 credits which I can work with for any studies I want to pursue on my own. Right now I am working with incorporating a study on women’s issues here in Japan into my Behind the Mask class and will probably be doing my big paper in the course on whether or not Japanese women deserve classification as a minority. I then am, of course, doing a study in eastern philosophy and religion, through which I will spend a lot of time fully immersing myself in the practices of eastern religions and reading a lot of great religious texts from the major eastern religions. Then it looks like on top of the other things that I am doing I will be able to do a study in Japanese literature in translation, which I think sounds fantastic. I love Japanese literature and I would love to be able to read a lot and visit some of the places that the authors wrote about. Although, I am still not sure if this is how my time will be best used. I got the list of courses W&M teaches that I could possibly get credit for, so we will try to build my learning plan off of that. A learning plan is like a personal goal sheet for the semester, which lists personal and academic goals you hope to accomplish. It is the way you keep yourself on task and guide yourself academically, emotionally, and spiritually through the semester. Because so much of the program is what people are actually interested in doing, nearly everyone is highly motivated to stay on task with their studies. It’s very refreshing to have people so excited about what they are doing that they cannot wait to talk about it, instead of school being what is dragging everyone down. Very refreshing.

Music equivalent of the day: Marxism
Major purchase: Meikan, or tangerines for 500 yen
Food: O-Banzai meal, all vegetarian friendly
Top priority: contemplate learning plan