eye towards beauty

Today we went up into the mountains on the edge of Kyoto in order to make paper. And by make paper, I mean we made the type of Japanese paper that has become so famous for being really well made, not just the type of paper you make back home from recycled notebook paper. This paper is made from the bark of trees. The guy teaching us had also taught Robin Williams and his wife and children how to make paper. So, now that I’ve met someone who has met Robin Williams, my contacts circle has expanded immensely.

We got to decorate our paper with some different paper flowers and objects. I was really sad that I didn’t have like dried four leaf clovers, because I would much rather have made something out of all natural things. He had some leaves…but I wanted to make my paper spring-ish, and the greener leaves were in bad shape from being fairly old. It will definitely be worth it to go back once the cherry blossoms start blooming and make paper decorated with dried petals and prettier greeneries. I am kind of sad though. A lot of the area studies we’ve had are things that I can come home and still do, but this paper making is something that I definitely won’t be able to do again unless I go back to this guy’s store.

While we were waiting for our paper to dry, we hiked up to the waterfall that was near the shrine up the mountain. Although the entrance fee into the shrine was 800 yen, there was a side street that led up to the waterfall and we didn’t have to pay anything. It was really beautiful. Watching the water stream down made me really think about things. When you’re watching a waterfall, one of the prettiest things about it is the white water that is churning, making it visible. Without this white water, the waterfall would be crystal clear, like water being poured from a pitcher. It is the craziness, the turbulence of the water that makes it so beautiful, yet at the same time, in the same waterfall, you have the water streaming down the edges, often at a much slower pace, that remains crystal clear. It made me think of the relationship between getting sucked into the rapid yet beautiful turbulence of everyday life and maintain clarity. I think that it is really hard to do both at the same time. In order to stay completely level headed, it is necessary to remove yourself from the pack to really be able to look at the situation. At the same time though…I don’t think that I like the idea of removing myself from a friendship just to recognize that I’m in one. But in truth, I feel like that’s what I’m doing here. I’ve removed myself from all of my friends and from all of the things that made my life back home so busy and full. And because of it, I am rediscovering feelings and friendships. I’m finding that clarity about things that didn’t seem to come so easily back at home. Maybe there really is something to be said for stepping out of your life for a day or two and really looking to see what’s there. I think it’s the only way we can clearly see what we miss through all of the white water.

The rest of the day consisted of being relatively unproductive and studying. I guess not much can top papermaking and hiking.

I did have a very helpful talk with one of the girls here about long term relationships. I was giving her advice, but realized I could certainly share it with myself and with everyone else. I feel like in a relationship, you have to keep going, growing everyday in your own direction as your own person. The relationship will grow with you as you and the person you are with find new ways to connect with each other. The second you stop and try to wait for the relationship to catch up, the relationship is not changing with you, you are changing yourself for the relationship. When that happens, the relationship can hold you back from pursuing your dreams and from continuing on your own desired life path. This type of sacrifice is something that I feel leads to a lot of frustration within long term relationships. The truth is, when that type of difficulty happens in a relationship, it is important to keep moving in your own direction at your own speed, regardless of the status of your relationship. Either the person you are in the relationship with will catch up to you, your paths will intersect in another, new way, or you will realize that you are outgrowing the relationship, and owe it to yourself to move on. I don’t think that this means that you have to give up on the relationship every time you disagree or realize that you are interested in different things. Arguments can be a tool conducive to relationship growth. It allows you to see the other person’s side as well as the passion that they have for it. The reconciliation period from an argument is a time when a couple can really grow. They are able to accept their partner’s views and see a different viewpoint. In the time that follows an argument, a couple is able to realize that although things are not always perfect, they care about each other even when they do not always agree. I also don’t believe that relationship growth is necessarily directly associated with the growth of either individual involved in it. The relationship grows at its own pace, regardless of whether both individuals are actively growing or not. It is a lack of growth in the relationship that causes someone to be held back from pursuing their dreams, not a lack of growth in the other person. Yes, perhaps this all sounds really silly, but when you are thousands of miles away from the friends and family whose relationships are most important to you, you realize that you could handle interactions with them in a very different way that would be healthier for everyone involved.

I feel like my digression from the day was long enough, so I will end this entry with a cooking note for Barbara, one of my teachers who has become interested in the saga of my struggle to learn to cook for the first time. I have a cookbook now, so I am going to hopefully pick out a recipe and go shopping for all of the involved ingredients, but tonight I was lazy. I cooked rice and put egg on top of it. The exciting thing is that a “lazy” meal for me would normally be a bowl of cereal. Actually making something hot for myself when I’m feeling lazy? That’s a huge improvement on where I was last semester. I think that learning to use a cookbook is the next step. And also learning to cook different types of eggs. I have made fried and scrambled, and feel confident about my skills and am ready to expand. But what other ways can you cook eggs?

Music equivalent of the day: the waterfall
Major purchase: souveniers from the paper shop
Food: egg and rice (tomago to gohan)
Meditation/ inspiration/ thought of the day: relationships and water
What I learned: how to make paper
Top priority: shopping